A New Rhyme?

First comes love,

Then comes marriage,

The comes the baby

In a baby carriage

I believe we all grew up with this little rhyme that we would tease our friends with as children, but from what I see in society today, the rhyme has seemed to change. It seems as if the rhyme is now "First comes love, then comes a baby and then marriage happens some where down the line"? Is it just me, or does that not rhyme as well?

I would term this phenomenon as an epidemic although I have been told that calling it that is a misnomer. Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online has three different definitions of the word epidemic.

1. Affecting or tending to affect a disproportionately large number of individuals within a population, community, or region at the same time.
2. Excessively prevalent
3. Characterized by a widespread growth or extent: of, relating to, or constituting an epidemic.

Okay, so according to their definitions, maybe people having children before they are married is not technically an epidemic, but it seems to be coming more of the norm. I understand that pregnancy before marriage is nothing new; it has been happening since almost the beginning of time, but I see it more and more now-a-days.

What I want to know is, how did this become the norm? Is it all the celebrities that are having children first and getting married later (most often to the person they had the child with)? Is it society's lax values that make it acceptable for shows like "Teen Mom" to air on MTV? Because it seems to me that with celebrities doing it and then a main stream television channel supporting it, the message that is being sent out to today's youth is that it is okay to have children before marriage, and marriage is not as important as it used to be.

But you know what? I beg to differ. I am 100% in support of falling in love, getting married, and having children (in that order). In fact, I pray that things progress like that  for me. But what I do not understand is why people are so willing to commit to having children, but not to marriage?

Are all these babies that are being born or that will soon be born accidents? Were they begotten in a moment of passion where all cares were thrown to the wind? Maybe, but I also get the feeling that some people prefer things to happen that way. Call me old fashioned, but I much rather be married before having children, and not only that, I want to be successful and financially stable when I have children.

Sometimes I think that if people realized or truly thought about how expensive a child is, they would take the necessary precautions to keep from having a child before they are ready. Some people may say that contraception is expensive, but when the price of condoms or birth control is compared to the expense one will face once they have a child, I think that people might consider going the less expensive route and find a method of contraception that works for them.

Now I know some people would say that one easy solution is abstinence. And yes, it is true that abstinence is the only 100% pregnancy prevention method, but lets be real people. There are more people having sex before marriage than people that chose to wait, and maybe that is also a reflection upon society, but I digress. The point that I am trying to make is that there are many ways to avoid having children if that is not what you want at a particular point in your life, so why don't people exercise these options?

Many of you who will read this know me very well and may wonder where is this coming from? Well to answer that question, it comes from simply observing people that I know and people that I have come into contact with in my life. When you transition from childhood to adolescence to adulthood you realize that the people you know will eventually start getting married and having children. I always figured that by the time I was 22 going on 23 that I would have attended or heard about a wedding or two of people that I know, but instead all I hear about is people getting pregnant and it does not seem like marriage is even a thought. But why is that? Why do there seem to be more baby showers than engagement parties? People stocking up on diapers instead of saving up for an engagement ring? More indecisiveness about a babies name as opposed to indecisiveness about where to have the wedding reception?

I honestly, do not understand this new trend, but I can be sure it is one that I will do my very best to not partake in.



*** If anyone was offended by any of the things I said, I am sorry. This blog is not aimed at anyone in particular...it's just frustrations that I have with what I am seeing in everyday life.